Turkish for meeting your partner's family
For anyone visiting their partner's Turkish family for the first time: at the front door, at the dinner table, over tea, chatting with the elders, at Bayram and on sad occasions. Every phrase with pronunciation, in the polite siz form.
Pronunciation in six rules
Turkish is written almost exactly as it is spoken. With these six rules you can read any word aloud, including the names of the whole family.
c, ç and ş
c is the j in ‘jam’ (cami, mosque = ‘jah-MEE’), ç is the ch in ‘church’ (çay, tea = ‘chai’), ş is sh (şeker, sugar = ‘sheh-KEHR’). A Turkish c is never a k or an s.
The soft ğ
ğ is not sounded as a g. It simply lengthens the vowel before it: sağlık (health) = ‘sah-LUHK’, öğretmen (teacher) = ‘ö-ret-MEN’. Between e and i it often sounds like a light y: değil (not) = ‘deh-YEEL’.
i with and without a dot
i is ‘ee’, ı without a dot is a short, dull ‘uh’, like the ‘e’ in ‘taken’ said with spread lips: kız (daughter) = ‘kuhz’, nasıl (how) = ‘NAH-suhl’. The dot counts in capitals too: İ and I are two different sounds.
ö and ü
Both are rounded vowels, as in German. For ü say ‘ee’ with your lips pushed forward as for ‘oo’; for ö say ‘eh’ with rounded lips, close to the vowel in ‘fur’ without the r. The transcriptions below keep them as ö and ü: güzel (beautiful) = ‘gü-ZEL’.
Pure vowels, harmony and the r
a, e, o and u are short and pure, ‘ah’, ‘eh’, ‘oh’, ‘oo’, never glided. Endings change their vowel to match the word, so the plural is -ler or -lar: teşekkürler, bayramlar. g is always hard as in ‘get’, h is always pronounced and r is a light tap of the tongue.
Stress
Stress is light and usually falls on the last syllable: teşekkürler = ‘teh-shek-kür-LEHR’. Exceptions include many place names and everyday words such as merhaba (‘MEHR-hah-bah’) and lütfen (‘LÜT-fen’); the question word mi is never stressed. Double consonants, as in teşekkür, are held a little longer.
In the transcriptions below the stressed syllable is in CAPITALS, syllables are joined with hyphens, words are separated by spaces and ‘·’ separates sentences. ‘uh’ is the dotless ı, ö and ü are the rounded vowels from rule four, ‘ai’ rhymes with ‘Thai’ and ‘oy’ with ‘boy’. The transcription is an approximation; the speech recognition in LingoTrip listens more closely.
Arriving and saying hello
- Merhaba! / İyi akşamlar!MEHR-hah-bah · ee-YEE ahk-shahm-LAHRHello! / Good evening!
- Hoş geldiniz! – Hoş bulduk!hohsh gel-dee-NEEZ · hohsh bool-DOOKWelcome! – Thank you! (The set reply, literally ‘we have found it pleasant’.)
- Memnun oldum.mem-NOON ohl-DOOMPleased to meet you.
- İyiyim, teşekkür ederim. Siz nasılsınız?ee-YEE-yeem teh-shek-KÜR eh-DEH-reem · SEEZ NAH-suhl-suh-nuhzI'm fine, thank you. How are you?
- Ayakkabılarımı çıkarayım mı?ah-yahk-kah-buh-lah-ruh-MUH chuh-kah-RAH-yuhm muhShall I take my shoes off?
- Size küçük bir hediye getirdim.see-ZEH kü-CHÜK beer heh-dee-YEH geh-teer-DEEMI've brought you a little gift.
At the family table
- Afiyet olsun!ah-fee-YET ohl-soonEnjoy your meal! (Also the reply when someone thanks you for the food.)
- Ellerinize sağlık!el-leh-ree-nee-ZEH sah-LUHKLiterally ‘health to your hands’. The compliment to the cook; between people your own age Eline sağlık!
- Çok lezzetli olmuş.chohk lez-zet-LEE ohl-MOOSHThis is delicious.
- Biraz daha alabilir miyim?BEE-rahz DAH-hah ah-lah-bee-LEER mee-yeemMay I have a little more?
- Sağ olun, çok doydum.SAH oh-loon chohk doy-DOOMThank you, I'm really full. (Feel free to say it twice; the first time your plate usually gets refilled.)
- Yardım edebilir miyim?yahr-DUHM eh-deh-bee-LEER mee-yeemCan I help?
Afiyet olsun is said before and after a meal, Ellerinize sağlık afterwards to whoever did the cooking. Say both and you have already won a lot of hearts.
Tea, coffee and compliments
- Çay alır mısınız? – Evet, memnuniyetle.CHAI ah-LUHR muh-suh-nuhz · EH-vet mem-noo-nee-YET-lehWould you like some tea? – Yes, I'd love some.
- Kahveniz nasıl olsun? – Orta şekerli, lütfen.kah-veh-NEEZ NAH-suhl ohl-soon · ohr-TAH sheh-kehr-LEE LÜT-fenHow would you like your coffee? – Medium sweet, please. (sade = no sugar, şekerli = sweet)
- Kolay gelsin!koh-LIE GEL-seenLiterally ‘may it come easy’. Said to anyone who is working, in the kitchen too.
- Eviniz çok güzel.eh-vee-NEEZ chohk gü-ZELYou have a lovely home.
- Zahmet etmeyin, lütfen.zah-MET ET-meh-yeen LÜT-fenPlease don't go to any trouble.
Small talk with the elders
- Biraz Türkçe öğreniyorum.BEE-rahz TÜRK-cheh ö-reh-NEE-yoh-roomI'm learning a little Turkish.
- Anlamadım. Biraz yavaş konuşur musunuz?ahn-LAH-mah-duhm · BEE-rahz yah-VAHSH koh-noo-SHOOR moo-soo-noozI didn't understand. Could you speak a little more slowly?
- İngiltere'den geldim.een-GEEL-teh-reh-den gel-DEEMI'm from England. (Amerika = America, İrlanda = Ireland, Avustralya = Australia)
- Kaç torununuz var?kahch toh-roo-noo-NOOZ VAHRHow many grandchildren do you have?
- Oğlunuz çok iyi biri. / Kızınız çok iyi biri.oh-loo-NOOZ chohk ee-YEE bee-REE · kuh-zuh-NUHZ chohk ee-YEE bee-REEYour son is a wonderful person. / Your daughter is a wonderful person.
Bayram and special occasions
- İyi bayramlar! / Bayramınız kutlu olsun!ee-YEE bai-rahm-LAHR · bai-rah-muh-NUHZ koot-LOO ohl-soonHappy Bayram!
- Elinizi öpeyim.eh-lee-nee-ZEE ö-PEH-yeemLet me kiss your hand. (For the Bayram hand kiss, see the tips.)
- Geçmiş olsun.gech-MEESH ohl-soonGet well soon. (Also after bad luck or trouble; literally ‘may it be behind you’.)
- Başınız sağ olsun.bah-shuh-NUHZ SAH ohl-soonI'm sorry for your loss. (The reply is Dostlar sağ olsun.)
- Allah rahmet eylesin.ahl-LAH rah-MET AY-leh-seenMay God have mercy on him or her. (Said when someone who has died is mentioned.)
- Çok yaşa! – Siz de görün!chohk yah-SHAH · SEEZ deh GÖ-rünBless you! – Thank you! (After a sneeze; literally ‘live long!’ – ‘may you live to see it too’.)
At the end of Ramadan (Ramazan Bayramı) and at the Feast of Sacrifice (Kurban Bayramı) people visit the oldest members of the family first. During the month of fasting you wish people Hayırlı Ramazanlar, a blessed Ramadan.
Saying goodbye
- Bize müsaade.bee-ZEH mü-sah-DEHWe'll be on our way. (Literally ‘allow us to leave’.)
- Her şey için çok teşekkür ederiz.hehr SHAY ee-CHEEN chohk teh-shek-KÜR eh-DEH-reezThank you so much for everything.
- Siz de bize gelin.SEEZ deh bee-ZEH GEH-leenYou must come and visit us too.
- Hoşça kalın! – Güle güle!HOHSH-chah KAH-luhn · gü-LEH gü-LEHGoodbye! (said by the one leaving) – Bye, safe journey! (said by the one staying)
Good to know
Shoes off at the door
In Turkish homes you take your shoes off in the hallway, and there are often slippers (terlik) ready for guests. So clean socks without holes are part of the preparation.
The Bayram hand kiss
At Bayram, younger people greet their elders with a hand kiss: take the hand, kiss the back of it and briefly touch it to your forehead. As a guest you don't have to, but it is almost always appreciated. Children are then often given sweets or a little money.
Teyze, Amca, Abla, Abi
Elders are not called by their first name but Teyze (aunt) and Amca (uncle), older siblings Abla and Abi. Whether you address your partner's parents by first name plus Hanım or Bey, or as anne and baba, is best asked beforehand.
The spoon on the glass
Your tea glass keeps being refilled as long as it is empty. When you've had enough, lay the spoon across the top of the glass. And of Turkish coffee people say Bir fincan kahvenin kırk yıl hatırı vardır: a cup of coffee is remembered for forty years.
A course for exactly your visit
A phrasebook can only guess what you're planning. In LingoTrip you tell it: meeting your partner's parents in Izmir for the first time, Bayram with the family in Ankara, the wedding next summer. LingoTrip builds a course around exactly those conversations, with audio, speech recognition and spaced review until you leave.
Coming soon to the App Store and Google PlayFAQ
My partner can translate – is it really worth it?
Yes. Grandparents and older relatives often speak no English, and even a few phrases make a big impression. An Ellerinize sağlık after the meal is remembered for a long time.
Should I say ‘siz’ or ‘sen’?
With parents, grandparents and anyone older, always siz until they offer otherwise. Almost every phrase on this page uses the siz form. With people your own age and children, sen is normal.
How long does it take to learn these phrases?
For the phrases on this page, one to three weeks with a few minutes a day is enough. A course that practises exactly your visit is the quickest way.
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